Resiliency and the New Year

Every New Year’s Eve and Day bring to mind the “R” word.

The R-Word. No, Not Resolutions…Resiliency. 

No, not “resolution.” That R-word is a hopeful, yet often ill-fated, attempt to lose weight and increase exercise that drives up gym and weight loss clinic memberships and revenues, only to often see a drop off in attendance one to two months later.

The “R” word that comes to my mind is “resilience.” For me, each New Year’s period is a reminder of the resilience we have as people, and as a society.

Retrospectives of the Past Year and Why We Need Resiliency

The week before every New Year’s celebration, we are barraged with retrospectives of the past year. In particular, we are reminded of prominent people who died over the last twelve months. The end of the year takes on a solemn tone, a melancholic testament to the fragility, and ultimate mortality, of our very nature.

This past year, 2016, left us with a particular sadness because of the deaths of Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds. These women were American icons who died a day apart. Facebook posts asked how many more will 2016 claim.

For those of us, myself included, who have in some way been involved in the music business (either as fans or as performers), the deaths of David Bowie and Leonard Cohen were immense losses. For progressive rock fans  –  again, including myself – two-thirds of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer left us this year. The list goes on – immediately, I recall the death of Gene Wilder, the star of my all-time favorite movie, Young Frankenstein, as well as a staple of my childhood, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, leading me to pick up my violin and post a Facebook video of my version of Transylvanian Lullaby.

These losses cause us to wax nostalgic, recalling fond memories of where we were when we first heard a given song, watched a given movie, or saw a given concert. There is a great sense of loss, a sense that we will never see these people perform again.

When Losses Hit Close to Home We Need Resiliency

Consider the fact that, for many individuals, this sense of loss pales in comparison with the emotions tied to personal losses – the loss of a parent, a child, a spouse, or a friend – over the last year. 2016 will be a year that will always be synonymous with loss for these individuals. So often, I have read the Facebook posts about such losses, about the holidays never being the same again, and about the fact that life beyond 2016 will have a void.

Yet, in the midst of this melancholic farewell to the past year, I find the word resilience. The pessimist would say that this coming year will be no better than the last. Face it. Each year, many people say, “I’m glad that year is over. Let’s hope next year is better.”

And, at the end of that next year, many of the same people repeat, “I’m glad that year is over. Let’s hope next year is better.” Logic would tell us, therefore, that every year is bad, and that next year, based on the prior year’s experience, will be bad.

But is each year really bad? No, because we are resilient. I know people who have suffered tremendous loss in a given year – the death of a loved one, loss of a business, a life-changing illness, or divorce – and have even stated that they do not how they will go on.

However, they do go on.

Some recover immediately. For others, recovery takes place over years. But somehow, against their own sense of the odds, they go on. And, in some way, they prosper.

I think of the husband and wife I know who lost their only child to cancer. Such a devastating loss, and yet every day, I see something inspirational in their online posts. I see the determination of my friend who runs every morning in memory of her father, who recently passed away. There are people who have lost their homes and possessions to fires over the last year, and who rebuild with the help of the local community and of distant strangers.

Globally, we see the conflicts that rage and the resultant loss of life. We hear reports of the plights of refugees and the political furor that has arisen over the fate of these refugees. Yet we hear individual stories of such victims of conflict in their own homes, fleeing to a foreign country, who are able to make a life for themselves and to help others reach safety. These refugee camps are not new, but have been present for years due to the multiple conflicts that arise from decade long civil wars.

Recently, I had the honor of working with an extremely talented chief surgical resident at a prestigious Boston medical school. While we were operating, he told me he had spent part of his child in a refugee camp, en route to his ultimate destination here in the United States. The number of people he will be able to help in his career is innumerable. That, to me, is the picture of human resiliency.

Resiliency In the Wake of Our Political Differences

This past year has seen our country struggle through a most contentious political contest. Somehow, the rift between the winners and losers seems to be unbridgeable.

And, with such a rift, I see the winners and losers approach this new year with drastically different views. Many of those whose candidate won see a great future, a new America, and a country on the mend. Those on the other side speak of the end of great progress that has been made over the last eight years, a police state, a loss of hope for immigrants and minorities.

While these sentiments seem more intense this year and the political acrimony more toxic, I can recall similar, although perhaps less florid and divisive statements from opposite sides, when our forty-forth president came into office for his first and second terms. Yet, when I awoke after the 2008, 2012, and 2016 presidential results had been decided, our country was still standing, and we moved on.

With a new president, a new Congress, and a single party in control, the greatest naysayers seem to have apocalyptic prophesies. I advise all of us to look at our own histories and our own resiliency. We, as a people, have the ability to make our voices heard, just as has been done in every election. We may be happy with the results or may be discontent, but we should never be fatalistic. We can make changes by petitioning our politicians, by voting in midterm elections, and by expressing, in peaceful and legal ways, our concerns.

If we are able to overcome loss of loved ones, tragedies, and heartbreak in a given year, and still be able to look to the next year’s being a better year, I believe we can trust our resiliency to make great things happen. As for me, I have hope and optimism that we can continue to move forward and make positive strides.

Our Loved Ones Are Our Inspiration

Perhaps our resiliency, our phoenix-out-of-the-ashes strength amidst loss lies in our ability to take the happy memories of the ones we have lost and use them as the fuel, the impetus for a lasting and beneficial positive impact. Our lost loved ones do not want us to be miserable – they want us to flourish and to go on living with the happy memories of the times we shared with them. The good deeds they have done become their legacy when we honor those deeds and continue those works.

It is this ability to carry on that is a testament to our resiliency. In spite of the painful reminders each close of a year may bring, and in spite of the year’s losses that may seem insurmountable, we find ourselves entering each new year with a fragile and cautious, but nevertheless hopeful, optimism.

Amidst the introspection raised by our account of the past year, we find a purpose for moving forward, a challenge to build upon the legacy of loved ones, and a responsibility to make the world a better place than it was in the prior year.

If we dare to question what lies ahead for us in this next calendar year, what wins and losses will we incur, and perhaps, in the most existential of analyses, why are we still here, the answer may simply be that it is fate, the way it is supposed to be.

Something for me to contemplate and savor as I lie back on my couch, close my eyes, and listen to Emerson, Lake and Palmer’s From The Beginning:

“You see it’s all clear. You were meant to be here  …… From the beginning.”

 

Arthur M. Lauretano, MD, MS, FACS

 

My book, Do the Right Thing: A Surgeon’s Approach To Life is now available on Amazon! Read an excerpt here. 

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